Anniversaries

Jessica Mattila, MSW, LCSW

“It is not the load that breaks you down. It’s the way you carry it.”

- Lena Horne

Before starting to write this article, I scanned the healthcare app on my phone to see when my journey with cancer began. The medical note reads, “Breast biopsy done 11/3/23. Dr. Wang notified patient of breast biopsy results 11/8/23.” 

I arbitrarily told myself, friends, and family that I would be back to a new baseline in a year. One year had a nice ring to it. Well. This past year has shown me one of many humbling lessons. I learned about how much of my medical journey is out of my control. 

Then I think about the caregivers I’ve met over the last eight years. You are searching for truth. You want answers, you want solutions, you want to know the layout of the landscape. There is a deep ache for clarity. One of the most difficult things I will ever tell you is, “I don’t know.” I don’t know how long it will take a person to progress through the stages of Alzheimer’s. I don’t know if someone’s temperament will return to how they were pre-stroke. I don’t know if my five-year treatment plan will prevent cancer recurrence. These uncertainties we face, and the need to “keep calm and carry on,” can feel maddening.

The holiday season is upon us, for better or worse. Please take this time to enjoy your memories, surround yourself with your community, and find those golden moments with your person. Talk with others going through a similar experience, whether you join a support group or attend a class with other caregivers. There are no exact answers, but you can find the shape and edges of your situation when comparing it with others.  There is pain and loss, but you can feel love and support when turning to others who “get it.” It is also great to check in with your Family Consultant for resources and guidance. 

We may be walking in the dark, but it feels less lonely when we hold hands while doing it.