Communication Tips for Talking to Someone With Memory Impairment

When communicating with someone who has memory impairment, it’s important to remember that emotions often outlast words. Your loved one’s feelings are more important than the exact phrases or facts being shared, so focus on responding to the emotion behind their words. They may forget what was said moments ago, but they will remember how you made them feel. Approach conversations with patience, compassion, and understanding, and remind yourself not to take hurtful or confusing remarks personally; these are symptoms of the condition, not a reflection of their true feelings for you.

Below are six communication tips when talking to someone with memory impairment.

Have realistic expectations

It’s unrealistic to expect someone with memory impairment to understand details, gain insight, agree on a point of contention, or, if they do agree to something, to remember the agreement later. Remember that your loved one still has feelings but may have difficulty expressing them due to changes in their brain. Get their attention before speaking to them. Sit down beside them or kneel in front of them if necessary. Keep background noise to a minimum. This helps to hold their attention and limits distractions.

Keep it short and simple

The KISS principle is a good guideline to follow. KISS means “keep it short and simple.” A person is likely to get overwhelmed by long sentences, complex instructions, and lengthy explanations and questions. When possible, use short phrases and give one-step instructions. Talk about one subject at a time. Break questions and tasks down into multiple parts if needed. In doing so, you’ll avoid overwhelming the person.

Use repetition when talking

Memory-impaired people need frequent, patient reminders. They cannot remember what they are told because the brain can no longer retain information. Try restating key words when needed, which can help reinforce your message. Try not to remind them about any forgetfulness. When speaking with the person, try to avoid correcting, arguing, or using logic. Instead, accept their reality, validate their feelings, provide reassurance, and redirect them to another topic or activity if necessary.

Do not argue or correct your loved one

Arguing or correcting only makes things worse. Instead, try to align with the person. Ask yourself, “What does the person need from me now to feel better?” Avoid confrontation. If needed, consider changing the subject.

Be aware of your body language

Our body language is most easily understood. Be sure your words and gestures are “in sync.” If your words and gestures contradict each other, the person is more likely to respond to your body language. For example, if you say something kind, but your body language shows irritation, your body language will carry a stronger message.

Communicate through touch

Touch can be particularly important for communicating with the person who no longer understands speech. Holding hands, hugging, and giving a massage can communicate warmth and affection. Allow plenty of time for your loved one to listen and understand what has been said. Silence is okay. Communicate through touch. Touch can be an important form of communication because it can express affection, comfort, and reassurance.

Supporting someone with memory impairment requires patience, empathy, and flexibility. By focusing less on perfect words and more on connection, you create opportunities for understanding and trust. Remember that your tone, body language, and willingness to meet your loved one where they are can speak volumes, even when memory fails. Small adjustments in how you communicate can make a big difference in preserving dignity, reducing frustration, and nurturing moments of comfort and joy for both of you.