A Conversation with a Grief Companion

Tasha Zigarelli

Hannah Hall, RN

Santa Cruz native Tasha Zigerelli knows grief all too well. At 21 years old, she lost her mother to a long-term illness. After this, she traveled through India for nearly a year, learning about the country’s cultural practices of openly mourning and revering death. Later, Tasha’s father tragically died while she was pregnant with her daughter. The traumatic, sudden nature of her father’s death, coupled with the experience of becoming a mother led Tasha to grief work, which has been her focus for the last three years. She is a grief companion, working primarily with young adults and parent loss. However, she also studies human development with a concentration in gerontology, and she is familiar with the experience of grief across life stages. Tasha’s focus is the theory of continuing bonds, or the idea that life may end, but a person’s relationship with the deceased does not end, and it is instead built anew. She promotes using ritual and ceremony to connect with our loss and nurture this bond.



The biggest misconception about grief that Tasha desires to change is that people eventually move on from loss in a linear fashion. The theory of continuing bonds states that we instead learn to live with loss, and we foster a new relationship with the loved one we have lost. Our society tends to dismiss the experience of loss as a reality of growing old. The topic of grief is often avoided. However, elderly populations in this country are already vulnerable to isolation, and they need community and connection. Tasha maintains that we need more elderly-specific grief offerings, such as ceremonies, grief circles, and support groups.

Instead, grief is uncomfortable for most people, and we struggle with supporting acquaintances in grief. Tasha acknowledges that it can be challenging to know what to say to someone who is grieving. She maintains that it is best to skip platitudes, such as “everything happens for a reason,” as such phrases are unhelpful. It is best not to say anything to try to make the grieving person feel better. Instead, validating and normalizing someone’s pain helps them process their loss. Tasha advocates for physically showing up to support grieving persons. Bringing meals, offering childcare, or cleaning are all excellent ways to support someone in grief.

Tasha advises grieving individuals who feel lonely and unsupported to find allies in their community or online. She emphasizes the importance of support from individuals experiencing grief and those familiar with the grief process. Support groups and grief circles are accessible places to get help, often offering virtual alternatives and drop-ins. Tasha currently works as a bereavement group facilitator for Heal Together, a community-wide initiative to expand resources for grief and loss across different age groups in Monterey County. More information can be found at www.heal-together.org. Tasha offers more resources through her Instagram page, @tendingtogrief, and her website will soon be available at www.tendingtogrief.com.